Robin's Egg Blue
by Zo One
Summary: But as Axel sat in front of the grave and cried into his shoulder, he felt that he loved him even more now, because now Axel too knew the true virtue of robin’s egg blue. AkuRoku. Tragedy.


**Robin's Egg Blue**

_Zo_

He remembered, when he and Sora were really little, those three tiny eggs they had found one late spring day. He remembered it was the weekend, early in the afternoon, on a perfect, cloudless day. They were walking along the side of the road towards a friend's house, talking about all the fun things there were going to do.

They spotted the little nest made with twigs and mud under a short and slender Aspen tree, whose leaves were round and shaking. It was amazing to them, to see the little clutch of those oddly blue eggs. They had squatted down and looked and looked, wondering what they should do. Little eggs like these didn't belong on the ground, but up in that tree.

He had wanted to put the nest back up into the tree, but the lowest branch was too high up for them to reach and the trunk too skinny and smooth for them to climb.

"Maybe we should take them home," he had suggested, watching worriedly as a few cars passed by, creating a loud windy sound that seemed suddenly too close.

Sora shook his head as he poked the side of nest with a twig he had found. "No we can't touch them. If we touch them, then the mommy bird won't come back and love them."

He had been disappointed to hear that. But he couldn't leave them, not on the ground. He sat down on the warming concrete sidewalk with his feet sprawled in the shaded grass. "We have to help them." He remembered at the time that there seemed to be no other option and he knew it was silly.

"Can they hatch?" Sora asked. They were young and naïve and he shrugged. "Try it."

Slowly he reached into the nest, being very careful as to touch only one egg. It was smaller than he had expected, with tiny brown freckles. He held it out in his palm and both he and Sora gazed at it intently, waiting for a little baby bird to break free and fly away.

Nothing happened for the longest time and they grew bored as is typical of six year olds. "Let's go to Riku's now. I bet the mommy will put them back in the tree."

He nodded, his brother was probably right. Without thinking he quickly moved his hand to put the egg back with the other two, but rolled off the side of his outstretched palm and fell to the road, its delicate shell shattering on the pavement. They gasped; their bright blue eyes were wide with fear.

But when they dared look at the damage, they didn't see a bird anywhere, just strange yellow goop.

"There was no bird inside," he said, feeling slightly relieved.

Sora nodded slowly. "Let's go to Riku's now."

When they had gotten home later that evening, Sora asked their mom what had happened to the baby bird in the tiny blue egg. "Those are Robin's eggs," she had told them after she sat them down on the living room couch. "What happened, Sora, Roxas, is that when the egg broke, the baby bird died and went to heaven."

They were silent as they absorbed this new information. "The birdie is dead?" Sora asked.

Their mother nodded her blond head. "Yes sweetie, the birdie is gone and he's not coming back. That's what happens when something dies."

It was summer vacation when he finally understood what he had done to the baby bird in the pretty blue egg. He had made the baby bird die. If he hadn't have picked it up, its mommy would come back for it and loved it. But now its mommy would never come and love it because it was gone and it was his fault.

Over the months he grew moody from his guilt. He couldn't get over it, like Sora had told him, because the bird was _never _coming back. Never was an absolute word, it was a word that scared him.

He remembered coloring one day with Sora. Their mom had bought them a brand new pack of crayons that had so many colors in it that they had spent most of the time discovering the names of the crayon colors than actually coloring. After deciding he was done scribbling with the 'unmellow yellow' crayon he closed his eyes and pulled out a new crayon.

Slowly he had peeled open his eyes. The crayon color was an odd blue color, one that made him feel a little sick to look at. He rolled it between his fingers until its name came into view. 'Robin's egg blue' it had said and he went pale. "I have to go to the bathroom," he lied quickly to Sora, shoving the crayon in his jeans pocket.

The bathroom was small and white. He ran inside and slammed the door behind him, locking it with trembling fingers. He thought he was going to throw up, his stomach hurt so much. But when he didn't, he pulled the crayon out of his pocket and looked at it.

It was the same color as that little egg with the brown freckles. The same color as the egg that he broke, the color of the egg that had a baby bird in it. The same baby bird that he made die. He felt hot and cold at the same time. He shivered and threw the crayon in the toilet and flushed it, too scared to watch it disappear into the swirling water.

When they finished coloring Sora frowned as he looked in the crayon box. "There's a color missing…"

He shrugged and said he didn't know what happened to it and offered to help his brother look.

O

He met Axel on his first day of first grade. They all had to sit according to last name in small clusters of three desks. The teacher sat Sora in the desk facing him and Axel in the desk next to him. Axel was a red haired boy who looked a lot older than both of them.

They were all instructed to write about their favorite thing and then draw a picture about it on the paper that the teacher handed out to them. Each group of desks was given a big box of crayons to share.

He had started to write about riding his bike, when Axel reached into the center of their three desks and grabbed the box of crayons. "I'm gunna draw me and my dad camping," he had informed them.

Sora frowned and said, "But we're supposed to write about it."

"So? I'll draw it first, then write." Axel grimaced. "I hate writing."

Axel had scared him at first, he was so much bigger than him, but when Axel was digging through the box of crayons he pulled out a sickly familiar blue color. "This is the ugliest crayon ever," the redhead had said. "Isn't it ugly?" He thrust the crayon at Sora.

"I think it's pretty…"

Axel snorted and this time shoved the crayon at him, making him wince back. "Isn't it ugly?"

He closed his eyes, refusing to look at it. It made his stomach hurt to look at it. "Stop it!"

"It's just a crayon!" the red haired boy exclaimed as he put the crayon closer to his face. "What? Are you scared of a crayon?"

He remembered how scared and angry he was, how he had grabbed the crayon and threw it as hard as he could because he couldn't stand the feeling of being near it, because the color reminded him too much of things he wish he hadn't done no matter how small or stupid they seemed to be today.

The crayon had ended up hitting a girl in the back of the head. She had begun crying and both he and Axel were sent to the principle. Because of that afternoon in the office, the long, boring wait, they had the opportunity to become close friends.

O

He remembered how everything seemed to be okay after he met Axel. Life went on and they became the best of friends. Axel knew just about everything there was to know about him, and he knew just about everything there was to know about Axel. The incident with the robin egg never really crossed his mind, but the color still made him uneasy although he wasn't sure why.

It was his last year of middle school when it happened. He had been out at the skate park that day with a few friends. It was the only hobby he had that he didn't share with Axel, but he was good at it and he didn't want to quit just because Axel didn't skate too. He was tired and sore from a particularly harsh fall he had taken at the park, although uninjured. He hadn't thought about putting his skateboard away and instead left it at the top of the stairs as he slunk down into his basement room.

He had called Axel to complain about how his shoulder hurt and that there was nothing good to eat in the fridge. He knew that the redhead was listening to him, because he was just sighing and tossing some witty comments at him. His name was being called upstairs and he knew that his mom had just gotten home. He put a hand over the receiver of the phone and shouted, "I'm downstairs!"

His mother was four months pregnant with what was most likely a baby girl, although ultrasound was never perfectly accurate. She was excited for another child, his father less so, but happy nonetheless. Is all he knew, was that he wasn't all that sure if he wanted a little, baby sister to get into his stuff.

He put the phone back up to his ear and was about to ask Axel if he could stay the night at his place that weekend when there was a scream and loud, consecutive thumping crashes. He jumped out of bed and threw the phone to the floor in a panic when he saw his mother lying in a heap at the bottom of the stairs. There was blood spilling out on the floor and she was sobbing, trickles of blood leaking from her nose. "Mom!"

Quickly he ran to her side, not knowing what to do. "Mom, Mom! Are you okay, Mom?" He was too scared to touch her. She wore a shirt the color of robin's eggs, and he had told her countless times how he thought it was ugly. His knees shook and his eyes welled up with tears. He panicked more and ran back for the phone, hanging up on Axel before dialing 9-1-1.

The men in the ambulance had strapped her to a gurney and wrapped a brace around her neck before carrying her off. He had gotten a ride to the hospital in a police car where he had to call his dad while in the waiting room.

His dad had been at the hospital before he had known it, demanding to see his mother with grief and frustration. But no one was permitted to see her yet, so his dad pulled out his cell phone and told him to call Axel. He did as he was told, afraid of what was happening and what was going to happen.

When he had arrived at Axel's house later that day, the redhead's parents greeted him with worried hugs and kisses. He was just like another son to them and he cried. He didn't know if his mom was okay, he didn't know what he was supposed to do, or how he was supposed to feel. He felt as if he didn't know anything that day.

Axel had taken him to his room, where he cried for a few more minutes before telling the redhead what he knew had happened, about how she had fallen down the stairs and how there was blood everywhere. He remembered how Axel had held him close until he had fallen asleep. He remembered that all he could think about was his mother sobbing on the floor wearing that ugly blue shirt.

O

His father had come to pick him up that next afternoon. It was a Saturday, a beautiful, cloudless day in May.

She had lost the baby. He had told him and Axel and his parents all at once so he wouldn't have to say it again. She had been going to get Roxas to put his shoes away when she slipped on a skateboard and fell down the stairs. The baby had died.

And it was his fault.

It had struck him like a plank of wood had hit him in the back of his head. He killed his baby sister, his unborn, unnamed, baby sister. He remembered how he had cried, standing in Axel's kitchen, holding himself close with fat tears rolling silently down his cheeks.

He remembered how nothing anyone said made him feel better; if only he had put his skateboard away, if only he had been more thoughtful, if only he had not broken that precious little blue egg with brown freckles.

It wasn't until a week after they had buried his unborn sister in the cemetery with an unmarked gravestone did he approach his mom about it. She always sat outside on the porch swing, staring at nothing in particular for hours. His father never spoke much anymore and Sora was always at Riku's because he couldn't handle the depression that loomed in the house.

He apologized to her for not putting his skateboard away like he should have, even though by now he had thrown it away and foresworn the sport forever, he apologized again and again and again until he felt he was blue in the face. He knew it was his fault no matter how many times they told him it wasn't.

"I'm not angry with you Roxas," she had said. "I'm just sad I never got to name your sister."

They sat on the porch swing in silence, watching the sun set and the stars twinkle. He thought of what it must be like, to never be able to name a child. He thought about that mommy robin that lost her baby all those years ago. How Sora had said that it wouldn't come back to love her baby; but he knew that his mom loved his sister, and so he said, "Robin is a good name."

His mom stared at him for a long time - unable to say anything beyond 'perfect' and 'I love you' once she began crying.

Two weeks later he and Axel visited the cemetery, working diligently on chipping the name 'Robin' into the unmarked garden stone with an old screwdriver and a hammer.

O

His junior year of high school he had admitted that he loved Axel. He loved him because Axel was the only person outside family that had seen him cry, the only one who knew his favorite food and his favorite candy, the only one that laughed at all of his morbid jokes, the only one that knew he was afraid of robin's egg blue, the only one that kept all of his secrets. He loved Axel because Axel was there for him and because Axel loved him too.

He remembered so vividly all the embarrassing moments that had led up to their confessions, but he knew he wouldn't take them back for the world. He remembered how happy they were for those two years, until a few months after graduation. Even though Axel's family was going through hard financial times and his own mother had begun attending weekly sessions with a therapist for her depression.

They had worked through it so effortlessly, as long as they had each other. And for those two years it was all they needed, until the day that everything was turned upside down.

He had been sitting on the couch in Axel's living room. Axel had just gotten home from his boring part time job and had invited him over. He knew that Axel loved massages after working the morning shift, but was always too proud to ask him for one. He had patted the carpeted floor in front of him, indicating that Axel sit for a massage.

The redhead had grinned. "Oh, well if you're offering…" He was about to sit and make himself comfortable when the distinct sound of the mailbox opening and closing could be heard. Axel swore under his breath and went outside to the small concrete porch to retrieve the mail from their hanging mailbox near the front door. "Hey Rox, check this out."

Artfully he tossed a sickly blue colored envelope at him. He caught it with a scowl and held it as far away from his being as possible. "You love to torture me, don't you?" he asked, scanning it to see who the sender was.

"Sure do," was the snarky reply.

"It's junk mail anyway, just… burn it or something." He handed the envelope back to the redhead with a small, meaningless glare before heading outside. He hated the smell of burning paper.

Axel had complied to the task with an excited grin. He went over to the stovetop and turned on the front burner, igniting a flame under a large cast-iron frying pan that they used almost on a daily basis, so he hadn't bothered moving it. The envelope had light quick enough and Axel tossed it in the sink.

"Hey, Axel, get out here! Riku's here and we're going to see a movie," he had yelled into the house as Axel was turning the faucet on to douse the flames. Riku and Sora had pulled up to the side of the house, having seen him standing outside alone and offered a ride to the movies. At the time he thought it was a great idea.

Axel had rushed out of the house and hopped in the back of Riku's car before he could get in himself. "I win!" the redhead had declared loudly. He merely rolled his eyes and got in without a care in the world.

O

When they got back to Axel's place there were fire trucks, ambulances and all around panic swarming his house. Axel had jumped out of the car while it was still moving, running towards the house only to be stopped by the fire chief. No one was in the house anymore; it had been on fire for almost an hour now and is all they were doing was preventing it from spreading to his neighbors.

Axel's mother had been taken to the hospital in critical condition from smoke inhalation. He was back in the car and yelling at Riku to drive to the hospital as fast as he could.

They had sat in the hospital for hours, until the nurses and doctors made them go home, although Axel had to go to his and Sora's house. Two days later his mother died, her lungs seized and she suffocated in her sleep.

The redhead had been devastated, and still was, but more so now than ever. This is where they sat, a week after her funeral, in front of her grave. Axel held the fire scene investigation report in trembling hands as he held his crying love close. It turned out the cause of the fire was a cooking fire. Axel had forgotten to turn off the front burner that day before rushing out to the movies. Axel had forever forsworn movies and fires, just as he had done with skateboarding so long ago.

But as Axel sat in front of the grave and cried into his shoulder, he felt that he loved him even more now, because now Axel too knew the true virtue of robin's egg blue.

**End**

-Fun Note: Robin's Egg Blue was first introduced into Crayola's color wheel in 1993, when the biggest box of crayons had 96 colors in it, compared to today's 120 colors. Also, Robin's Egg Blue is ranked number 33 in America's 50 Top Favorite Crayola Colors.


End file.
